A Little Inappropriate
Whoa! Is that your kid in the bathtub? Umm, well she's cute and all. But maybe you should consider adding some bubble bath to your cleansing routine. Or maybe, you should just keep that camera out of the bathroom altogether
#2 Born to Fight
There is no God. Trayvon Martin was selling skittles without a business license. Facebook planned 9/11. Alright already! These type of status updates are just cheap ploys to stir up a heated debate. We've got better things to do, like Twitter.
#3 Skinny Girls that Eat SO MUCH!
OMG! I just ate 2 hotdogs and an entire pizza by myself! Yes, yes. You are skinny but you eat like a fat man on flag day (any day, really). We get it! You don't have to work hard to stay thin. Stop rubbing it in. You've already won.
#4 Bad Poetry
Words cannot describe how few descriptive words these people know. For the beauty in life is like a beautiful river that cannot be described by words alone. And the status of their being can only be described as news of a day so magical that it can never be described.
#5 Boring Updates That are Super Popular
An intelligent person posts something witty= 1 like. A partially dressed douche or douche-ette posts something about what they're drinking= 63 likes. Don't even bother doing the math.
#6 Anniversary Announcements
One year ago today I posted a long status about how one year ago that day, I met my perfect soulmate. One year ago today we scrolled down your anniversary announcement and rolled our eyes. We can't believe it was only one year ago today we scrolled back up and reluctantly liked your cheesy status.
#7 Complaining About Complainers
"It's so annoying when all people do is complain on Facebook. Everyone is so stupid."
There are a lot of stupid people in this world. But we'd argue that the most stupid are the people that actually like these hypocritical status updates. Complain in private like everyone else!
There are a lot of stupid people in this world. But we'd argue that the most stupid are the people that actually like these hypocritical status updates. Complain in private like everyone else!
#8 Long Summaries
We are technically "friends" on Facebook. But even the best of real life friends don't need to know what the sandwich artist did wrong at lunch, and how you were really tired but starting feeling better at 1pm.
#9 Constant Event Pushing
Boy, we sure hope we don't forget when that big dance party is! We've only been reminded 11 times today. There's no cover? Oh man, that was close. We almost didn't read the 12th update (with attached flyer). We would have missed out completely!
#10 Those Religious Updates
It doesn't matter what climate these status updates are written in, there are always a ton of doves around. And the clouds are always parting to reveal a glorious sun, even at noon. For the ultra-religious Facebook users, it is not enough to live and let live, they must also share photos of doves and sunsets with spiritual texts pasted on top.
